Ichthyophobia: The Fear of Fish

I took my flip flops off and shove my feet into the sandy flippers. They are supposed to be tight, but at what cost? The sand feels like razorblades digging into my skin. I sigh and push my feet harder into the flippers to show the workers that my tiny feet fit into the tinier bright yellow plastic fins. I grab my goggles and snorkel, then head down the coast with my family to the start of the snorkel area. As I stare down the coast, I see others jumping into the bright blue warm sea water of Cozumel, Mexico.

My dad fastens his orange waterproof camera to his wrist and jumps in first. My brother and I jump in simultaneous. The sea water salts my lips and my eyes sting a little bit as I acclimate to the water. Savannah, my mom, and Kim are in the water now. We talk our game plan and who our partners are. I adjust my goggles and stick my face into the water.

We start our journey back towards the resort with our partners:  Nick and dad, my sister and mom, then Kim and I. As we swim, I notice there are four times the amount of colorful, alien like fish in the water than our previous snorkel and also scuba adventures. But I reason that we swam those in the morning and mostly by ourselves. I monitor many extra legs and swimsuits that are unfamiliar to me while I snorkel in the water, not too mention the lack of snorkel kits available in the rent shack as a clue to the change in environment.

Maybe it’s my swimsuit or bright pale skin, but a lot of fish seem very attracted to me. Tons of needle nose fish, fish that look like plates, yellow fish, a barracuda, alien fish swim inches from my face, my body. Something grabs my leg. I choke on water and look over. My mom points to some fish down in the sand, a sting ray. We swim on a little more. Something grabs my leg, again. My mom points at something else, I can’t see it. I clutch my mom and surface above sea level and pull my goggles off my head and spit my snorkel off. “Mom, stop grabbing my leg.” I pant. She laughs a little bit and says alright. But explains she is pointing out what she sees in the sea.

I decide to stick closer to my mom, so I grip her arm. No more surprises. Suddenly, the fish begin to get closer and closer. One swims right in front of my goggles. I ditch my mom and sprint swim to the shore a half mile. As I race by, the fish seem to race me. The sand starts to get closer to the surface with anemones and other spiky crawlers are inches away from my body. I hyperventilate and swim faster.

I hit the beach rock, stand up, and sprint as far as I can into the resort. Some new friends walk up to me and ask me if everything is alright. I nod and shake them off as I walk to the bar for more rum and coke. With my drink, I sit at the top of the beach and wait for my family for ten or fifteen minutes.

“Mara, what happened?” My mom asks.

“I don’t know. I started to hyperventilate and I had to get out of the water away from the fish.” I reply.

My dad walks up as I finish, “So you’re afraid of fish?” He giggles. “Well too bad sucka, because we saw an octopus! Don’t worry, we took pics! They’re on the camera.”

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I swirl the red wine in my glass. “I don’t know, Jen. I will have to think about it.”

She makes direct eye contact with me. “Mara, you have to do this for Mimi. Be strong and conquer your fears.”

I play this memory over and over in my head on the see-sawing boat in the middle of the Jamaican Caribbean. My stomach rises to my throat and I regret eating anything ever. Our Jamaican snorkel tour guide delivers instructions, but I hear nothing. My ears buzz as I weigh my pros and cons of staying in the nauseous boat or getting in the water, hyperventilate, and see foggy fish.

First jumps Reece, then Jen, then Mimi looks at me with her blonde golden locks and dark brown eyes. I stand up, grab my gear, and jump. Mimi and Jason follow. “Hi Mara.” Mimi says as she bobs next to me with the salt water splashing on our goggles. I smile at her and point to the water.

“Let’s snorkel.” I say.

The sunny rays shine through the water 200 feet down the bottom. We see as far deep as we do wide. Coral Reefs stretch up and down and across the ocean floor, like rolling hills but under the sea. Even when Reece tries, the reef’s are still fifty feet or more below the surface.

I swim in the ocean observing the fish. The deep and vast depths of water around the coral reef comforts me. A buffer in the middle of me and the alien like creatures beneath the surface. I look around and notice I stray from my group, and I look towards the ocean. Not the beach, and I feel so small and helpless. I can’t stop staring into the abyss of blue. I spy Jen and Reece with the snorkel guide, and I swim over. The guide points out some unique fish while searching for sting rays at the bottom.

I start to fatigue from swimming and hyperventilating. Mimi and Jason sit in the boat waiting for us, so I climb in the boat to dry off. The guide waves down our attention and treads over to us. Reece and Jen follow her. In her hand she holds a white urchin. It looks like a hostess desert. She uses Reece to demonstrate the urchin upside down while suction cupped to his hand.

“Do you want to try?” The guide asks Mimi. Mimi shakes her head no.

“I’ll try it.” I say as Reece puts the urchin in my hand. It tries to suction to my hand, but my hand is too small. I offer it to Mimi and she holds her hand out. Jason slides his hand underneath hers to protect the hostess dessert sea creature from falling.

A grin lights up her face lights up while she holds it. Jen winks at me and I feel my fear of fish decrease by a little bit. From one beach to the next, my journey of Ichthyophobia.

Adventure Awaits.